MARY'S BIT or HOW DARE YOU CALL ME THAT?
Constantinople knows our protagonist as John the Eunuch, reminding us that
the custom of nicknaming rulers and those holding high office is one of
those fascinating practices interwoven for centuries into the unfolding
tapestry of history.
Thus British schoolchildren are soon familiar with such royal luminaries as
Alfred the Great, stout-hearted defeater of Danish invaders and alleged
burner of a goodwife's cakes while contemplating battle plans, not to mention
Richard the Lionheart, who spent more time abroad than he did in England --
and even when he was home had to deal with his revolting brother John
Lackland (see below). Then there were the murdered Edward the Martyr,
regarded as a saint, and pious Edward the Confessor, who among other things
supervised the reconstruction of Westminster Abbey.
William the Conqueror we'll just ignore.
Yet lest we be accused of remembering only the good, consider also those
rulers known by less complimentary nicknames, such as Ethelred the Unready,
much harried by those troublesome, forever invading Danes, and the
aforementioned John Lackland, also known as Bad King John. This latter
dishonour is perhaps not entirely undeserved given his actions, which
notably included conspiring to seize the crown from his brother Richard the
Lionheart while the latter was away on a crusade. Excommunicated by Pope
Innocent III at one point, there's also the matter of John's loss of the
crown jewels while crossing the marshy land of a North Sea bay, thus proving
that not everything comes out of The Wash.
For all that, in general John seems to have been one of those names often
connected with valiant deeds. Thus at various times we hear of Johns who are
Victorious (he enlarged his duchy by force of arms, although ironically he
was to die from a wound sustained in a tournament) and Fearless (a
Burgundian duke who, having fought the Turks, been captured and ransomed,
returned home where he waged war against his fellow countryman and was
finally assassinated by the Dauphin's bodyguard)
Then there was the Portugese king John the Fortunate, although one might
argue the nickname is appropriate since despite its war with Spain, his
country did not achieve independence until about a decade after his death.
On the other hand, John the Perfect, another Portugese ruler, was certainly
misnamed in that he personally murdered a duke accused of conspiracy.
As far as our protagonist John's time is concerned, history remembers his
ruler as Justinian the Great, although unfortunately another John, the
historian John of Ephesus, records that the empress was commonly called
Theodora from the brothel.
But presumably not to her face.
AND FINALLY
Another thing to be faced cannot be completely unexpected, in that our
subscribers will already have come to the horrible realization that the next
issue of Orphan Scrivener will trundle into their email in-boxes on l5th
October. We can only trust by then the current unforgiving red and burning
eye in the sky will be emulating those meek and brief suns about which
William Cullen Bryant wrote in another poem, this time welcoming that very
month.
If not, though, we may well adopt a rather clever people-cooler Mary and her
younger sister devised when they were children living in the inner city.
Tying a broom to the top of the outside staircase, they suspended a colander
from this broom, ran a hosepipe from the cold water tap in the kitchen (it
was in fact the only tap, there being no hot water plumbed in) to the
colander, turned on the water, and then took turns standing in their
scratchy wool one-piece bathing suits under their makeshift shower.
Having described this easily constructed heat-beater perhaps we should now
hastily depart to purchase stock in manufacturers producing brooms,
colanders and hosepipes before everyone beats us to it, In any event, we'll
see you again in October, a month when seasonal illustrations depict
broom-riding witches, a group who are also allegedly fond of going to sea in
sieves, those second cousins to colanders.
Best wishes,
Mary and Eric
who invite you to visit their home page, hanging out on the virtual washing
line that is the aether at
http://home.epix.net/~maywrite/
Therein you'll find the usual suspects, including more personal essays and
an interactive game as well as an on-line jigsaw puzzle (at least if you
have a java-enabled browser) featuring One For Sorrow's boldly scarlet
cover. For those new to the subscription list there's also the Orphan
Scrivener archive, so don't say you weren't warned!
