Saturday, December 15, 2001

THE ORPHAN SCRIVENER -- ISSUE # TWELVE -- l5 DECEMBER 200l

December is almost half over and soon Janus will be at the gate of the year as it opens into 2002. The last few stubborn leaves still cling to bare black branches, trembling in the slightest breeze but not quite ready to join the soggy carpet of their ochre fellows. Squirrels have begun feverishly digging holes for their winter stores. Except for a small flock that has taken up year-round residence on a local pond, the geese have long since flown south, their night passage marked by bursts of eerie, yelping cries fading quickly into the distance. Occasional ducks can still be spotted here and there but even their merry quacking seems muted. Perhaps it's just as well, given that some gourmets favour duck a l'orange for festive meals although we hasten to add that we are not among the ranks of such diners.

Speaking of festivities, this time around we recall holidays past, so put on your party hat, pull your chair closer and read on.


ERIC'S BIT or SANTA'S LONGEST NIGHT

Writing Christmas reminiscences seems to be a tradition at this time of year. I'm not so sure the practice isn't akin to those holiday fruit cakes no one likes but which are still thick on the ground every December, presumably for no other reason than that they are traditional. Personally, I like fruit cake, but I'm not so certain about Christmas reminiscences. I guess I can at least claim to recall the best kind of Christmases -- the old fashioned ones. After all, I predate malls. I can even remember the first "shopping center" going up in my home town. It replaced the buggywhip factory.

My childhood recollections of the holiday are, like all my memories, hazy. That's probably a good thing for a writer as it keeps me from trying to endlessly rehash my past rather than making up more interesting stories. I do however recall conducting the milk and cookies experiment which proved beyond doubt that Santa existed because, after all, when I awoke on Christmas morning, he'd eaten the snacks set out the night before. This was right after the launching of Sputnik, when, like every halfway intelligent American child, I was going to become a scientist but that was before I tried to cope with long division.

It's certainly not traditional but for me Christmas also involved cats and alligators -- specifically the instrument-playing feline figurines and the alligator leaning against a lamp post which highlighted the Christmas yard under the tree at my grandparents' house. Speaking of trees, they were real in those days though not necessarily purchased at one of those stands that pop up in December. Some years my grandfather simply cut the crown off one of the big firs lining the edge of his garden.

Model train layouts around Christmas trees were more natural in those days too. My brother and I covered our train tunnel with moss and ferns gathered in the woods behind our house. We had a couple of plastic railroad adventurers a cat and a penguin. Sometimes they even got on the train (despite not having a ticket) but more often they rode the rails, directly in the path of the train, creating spectacular crashes. Despite any amount of nagging, they had a terrible tendency to cross the tracks in front of the tunnel and bore the scars of their foolishness to prove it.

Even more exciting was opening a new window in the Advent calendar every day to reveal another picture advancing the Nativity tale. In retrospect, I wonder if using the unfolding story of Christ's birth as a countdown to the coming of Santa was somehow sacrilegious.

As a kid I was enthralled by all the fantastical lies about Santa and flying reindeer and rightly or wrongly I carried on the tradition by telling my children the same tall tales. By then of course I knew better. It still makes me feel tired to recall the year Santa assembled the kids' new bicycles after their bedtime on Christmas Eve. A very long night that turned out to be, too, but luckily the pedals, wheels and handlebars somehow stayed attached while in use. Now the kids are grown, those bicycles are long gone and the danger of injury has passed and so I'm much relieved. But I still enjoyed their wonderment vicariously. For me, Christmas really slipped away when my kids grew up, when I no longer sat at their bedsides and read The Night Before Christmas to them before tucking them in.

Now there was a tradition.


NECESSARY EVIL or THE BSP TICKER

Rather like Ogden Nash's ketchup bottle which when shaken first produced none at all and then a lottle (but see footnote at the end of this newsletter) and unlike our last BSP Ticker, this time Necessary Evil has a fair bit of news to impart. So put pets and people of nervous dispositions out of the room and then stand back as we shake the BSP Bottle and Reveal All,

JOHN RETURNS HOME or SPEAKING IN HIS NATIVE TONGUE

We are thrilled to report that One For Sorrow will have a Greek edition, to be issued by Govostis Publisher S.A. of Athens (Greece, not Georgia). Since John was born in Greece and Greek was the everyday language of his time and place, this wonderful news appeals greatly to our sense of the fitness of things. Now John will be speaking in his native tongue or at least its modern version and so while it is proverbially the Greeks who have a word for it, so also in this instance will an assembly of characters whose nationalities include Cretan, Egyptian, Persian and Briton.

PASSING THE WORD or YET MORE NEWSLETTERS

Our website's Mystery Newsletters page (listing genre-related newsletters issued by authors, bookstores and so on) is being featured as January's Link of the Month in Gayle Trent's Writing Up A Storm newsletter. Our thanks to Gayle, who tells us she believes her readers will find that page "a treasure trove of links to explore!"

In passing, let us mention that our newsletter list is a work in progress so if you'd like yours (email or print) added, do jot a line and let us know.

ANOTHER GRILLING or LURKING ON THE SHELF

We recently had the honour of being interviewed by Rachel Hyde, who lives in England but was writing for Myshelf.com, based in the US. Our thanks to all concerned for the opportunity to reveal such things as how John came into being plus a comment or two on interesting questions such as whether the books can be interpreted as being anti-religious. These and other grisly details can be perused at http://www.myshelf.com/haveyouheard/interviews/reed_mayer.html

THREE FOR A LETTER or THREE OTHER LETTERS

The calligraphic trio being BSP and this paragraph being the last bit this time around. The first reviews for Threefer have appeared and if you wish to peruse them, pop over to http://home.epix.net/~maywrite/threerev.htm Hopefully you'll return and finish reading this edition of Orphan Scrivener.


MARY'S BIT or FRUIT GUMS VS WRAPPING PAPER

There were no Christmas railways for us, I fear, although we sometimes saw engines chugging along the lining running behind the Vickers-Armstrong works across the Scotswood Road during the holidays, just as they did year round.

But as with most families, our Christmas Day had its own order, a traditional progression of events unwinding from our first forays into lumpy Christmas stockings at the foot of our bunk bed in the grey light before dawn to getting up to the steamy, fruity smell of the Christmas pudding boiling merrily in the kitchen to the last goodnight before the light was put out and Boxing Day crept towards us on the twirling sails of the windmill clock hanging on our attic bedroom wall.

As a child, early Christmas evening was my favourite time of the day. By then we had presented our gifts -- usually home-made calendars liberally sprinkled with glitter after secret assembly up in the attic or perhaps boxes of matching handkerchiefs, or a diary, or a huge bottle of lavender perfume from the local Woolworths, things small in themselves but for which we had saved our pocket money for some time, sacrificing even that extra tube of fruit gums in order to get a few pennies more towards the cost of the fancier wrapping paper. And of course we had ourselves long since unwrapped our own new treasures -- always a book, usually a selection box containing six or eight different sorts of chocolate bars, and two or three other small parcels that had been stuffed into our Christmas stockings (being a pair of my father's much darned wool socks) along with the customary silver foil wrapped tangerine plus a handful of walnuts in the shell and a few toffees tucked into their toes.

After the Queen's speech broadcast at 3 pm and having toasted her health with a glass of sherry or a cup of tea as appropriate to age, about an hour later it was time to sit down for our tea. We kids would gleefully pull red and green Christmas crackers, reading their mottoes and silly jokes aloud for everyone's delight. We'd put on the silly hats and divvy up the geegaw trinkets from the crackers and then pass around slices of the rich, solid dark cake my mother had made weeks before. The British Christmas cake is basically all sorts of dried fruit held together with spices, eggs, flour, butter and a dash of something that in our day might have been rum though we never dared ask, the whole being covered in marzipan and tooth-cracking Royal icing on which, at our house at least, was displayed a small, much battered miniature sled that so far as we could tell was made of painted chalk.

There would be hot mince pies (muffin sized in England) and perhaps a sandwich, all downed with big china cups of strong, black, heavily sugared tea. Afterwards we'd linger at the kitchen table to demolish some of the aforementioned nuts and citrus fruit as well as passing around a once a year purchase -- a frilly-edged box of sticky, dark dates that came with a little plastic fork for fishing out its contents and brough forth stern maternal warnings to mind out for the stones or we would break our teeth. The l944 film This Happy Breed, which tells the story of a set of working class neighbours over a span of twenty years, has an essentially similar scene (much to my delight the first time I saw it) although under blackout wartime conditions and presumably without dates or tangerines, which would have cost a fortune even if any could have been found on sale.

But when the washing-up was done, the tea towel hung up to dry in the scullery and a fresh scuttle of coal brought up from the back yard, then came the best part of all. As darkness pressed against steamed-up windows behind cosily drawn curtains and adults listened to the radio while consuming yet more cups of tea, we kids lay on the hearth rug in front of the popping, glowing fire, eating chocolate and reading our new books. Could childhood memories be any better?

It all sounds very simple and ordinary and somewhat quaint, I suppose, but it was our Christmas and so remains close to our hearts -- and especially now that we are all scattered to the winds. So wherever you are and however you celebrate the many festivals falling at this time, may they give you an equal stock of happy memories -- and may the new year bring you all you wish yourselves.


AND FINALLY

Speaking of traditions, for centuries it's been said that as long as there are ravens living at the Tower of London, the monarchy will not fall -- plus of course there'll be ample opportunity for visitors to practice fortune telling by counting them, or at least according to the rhyme from which the books about John take their titles.

Being nothing of not cautious, therefore, the powers-that-be ensure that the throne remains safe by clipping the Tower ravens' wings so that while they can hop a fair step, they cannot fly away. Being intelligent birds, however, we suspect that they realize which side their bird seed is buttered on and are happy to stay on the Tower grounds, unlike some of its past residents.

However, not all of them are as grateful as they should be. When Major General Sir Digby Raeburn, Governor of the Tower, died a few days ago, his obituary noted in passing that he was once chased and bitten by Hector, one of the Tower ravens. The irony of this episode did not escape us in that (a) according to the rhyme one bird of black plumage is for sorrow (as indeed those seeking to steal the Maltese Falcon found out to their cost) and (b) a minor (in both senses of the word) character in the novels is an unpleasant young man called Hektor. Regrettably, while the avian Hector was promptly sent to live at the London Zoo (where we trust he became better behaved) his fictional namesake has yet to be reformed.

Better behaved or reformed we may never be but there are two things you may expect to come to pass (well, three if you count relying on lots of ketchup when you shake the bottle too vigorously). The first is that we don't bite and the second is that the next Orphan Scrivener will wing over to your in-box on February l5th. See you then!

Best wishes
Mary and Eric
whose home page hangs out at http://home.epix.net/~maywrite/

Therein you'll find the usual suspects plus an interactive game as well as an on-line jigsaw puzzle (at least for those who have java-enabled browsers) featuring ONE FOR SORROW's boldly scarlet cover. For those new to the subscription list there's also the Orphan Scrivener archive, so don't say you weren't warned!

BUT HOLD! WE HADN'T FORGOTTEN THE FOOTNOTE!

One thing we've learned from researching historical mysteries is that the facts we know are not always so, which is why we never rely on a single source to verify anything important needed for our writing. Our natural caution therefore led us to delve a bit more deeply into the ketchup poem commonly attributed to Ogden Nash and we discovered that his granddaughter has stated that it did not appear in any of Nash's collections. However, she also revealed another version of the poem which according to her mother is closer to the uncollected original. See the New Scientist article at http://www.newscientist.com/lastword/answers/608energy.jsp?tp=energy1


Monday, October 15, 2001

THE ORPHAN SCRIVENER -- ISSUE # ELEVEN -- l5 OCTOBER 200l

When our last newsletter winged on Mercury's sandals to your in-box, we were routinely consulting the other sort of mercury, being in the crab-like pincers of what turned into a lengthy heat wave for a fair bit of the nation. Now, however, not only has the temperature dropped but soon the foliage will follow suit. How the ancients must have dreaded these beautiful autumn days when the all-important harvest was brought in. Would there be enough food to last until spring? Would the spirit of vegetation, dying so colourfully all around them, return at the appointed time in the new year? There's something sad about these misty mornings with their thin, golden rays of sunshine slanting through flaring patchworks of orange, red and lemon-lime tinted trees strung across the landscape. Perhaps it's because this season reminds us not only that Time, as Isaac Watts so eloquently put it, bears all its sons away but also that winter is just over the horizon.

And the passage of Time, of course, also inexorably brings with it another issue of Orphan Scrivener, so here it is. Enjoy!


MARY'S BIT or THE GOTH A-LIST

Research often entices the seeker down some very strange and dark byways, twisty deserted streets or dusty, oddly quiet lanes -- yet often even the most seemingly ordinary path winds at last to literary countryside so fascinating that it takes a really stern effort of will to turn back and retrace one's wandering footsteps. Many's the time when looking up odds and ends I've wanted to keep reading to see what lay around the heavily wooded bend curving so enticingly out of sight, or if you prefer plainer talk, to go on to the next chapter even though I've located the needed information.

Thus it was during the writing of Three For A Letter when the time arrived for the ever-difficult task of the Naming of Names. While it's always a good plan to avoid writing about characters with similar sounding monikers or names beginning with the same initial, this time around there we encountered an added difficulty when naming a pair of royal Goth twins.

Apart from the initial and inevitable thought of Goths as being connected with dark clothing, demon-white faces and An Attitude -- in some ways not a bad description of the twins' forebears -- it turned out that the Goths seemed overly fond of names beginning with A, such as Amalfrida, Agiwulf, Anagastes, Aligern and Aithanarid. Indeed, historical characters needing at least a nod in Threefer included Athalaric and Amalasuntha.

Added to that, many Goth names sound rather odd to present day ears and so, bearing in mind that first impressions are important when meeting new characters, the likes of Giso, Mundo, Gundobad, Patza and Hunila were quickly cast aside. Originally the siblings were to be Amalaric (male) and Amalathea (female) but finally, after much muttering and consulting of lists, they were renamed Gadaric and Sunilda respectively.

However, it's just as well that the twins appear in Three For A Letter. Had they been involved in Two For Joy, since we're reliably informed that Byzantines loved puns we might not have been able to resist the right royal temptation of giving the unfortunate lad the genuine Goth name of Tufa and then slyly dubbing his sister Joy.


NECESSARY EVIL or THE BSP TICKER

SPEAKING OF JOY

Those who enjoy discussion/reading guides can leap therewith as we've have just completed one for the novels thus far issued. Since it necessarily contains a certain amount of spoilerage -- particularly for the first two books -- at this point we're not posting it to our website. However, if you'd like to glance over it, do jot a line and we'll gladly email a copy.

JOHN VISITS THE COUNTRY PART I

The sixth John story, And All That He Calls Family, is now lurking on those bookstore shelves carrying The Mammoth Book of More Historical Whodunnits, Mike Ashley's latest historical mystery anthology. (UK title: The Mammoth Book of Historical Whodunnits: A New Collection). In this particular outing, John is called upon to solve a strange affair precipitated when a curse tablet is dredged up from a well on a country estate. Did the ill-wisher involved have any connection with the recent death of Damian, co-owner of the estate, whose shade has been seen flitting about the gardens -- and could Damian's posthumous son Solon now also be in danger?

JOHN VISITS THE COUNTRY PART II

The press is now thundering to print Three For A Letter, to be published in December. In Threefer, John finds himself embroiled in murderous goings-on at the seaside estate of Anatolius' Uncle Zeno, that scholarly old gent of eclectic credulity mentioned in Two For Joy (the pb edition of which appeared this month) and in the short story Leap of Faith (EQMM, November 1998). Among other things, John's adventures involve amazing automatons, ladies-in-waiting with agendas, a magical whale and Empress Theodora's favourite mime. Familiar characters such as the excubitor captain Felix, that hasty young man-about-Constantinople Anatolius and Senator Balbinus, last seen in Two For Joy, return. There's also a cast of assorted Goths, none of whom have names beginning with A.


ERIC'S BIT or AT MY SIGNAL, UNLEASH CONFUSION

Near the beginning of the movie Gladiator, General Maximus, about to lead his legions into battle deep in the forests of Germany, gives the command "At my signal, unleash hell," and before you can shake a pila it's hasta la vista barbarians.

When I first saw the movie that line didn't bother me. Ever since Dirty Harry wanted his day made, quick thinking action heroes have had to come up with memorable phrases prior to inflicting mayhem. It isn't a bad convention, for those of us who take some vicarious pleasure in imagining ourselves as the hero. Even if I were able to engineer the bloody dispatch of an army of ruthless Germans I would probably have emerged from my tent one morning, weeks later, thinking, "The Furies take me. I should've said, 'At my signal, unleash hell,' instead of 'At the count of three, go.'"

However, slow-witted as I am, I have recently wondered about the use of the word "hell." Why would a Roman general exhort his troops to bring down upon the enemy a banned religious cult's idea of what the afterlife holds for those who fail to adhere to their religion's decidedly non-Roman precepts? Certainly the typical Roman did not believe in the Christian idea of hell and if Maximus' men did hold beliefs differing from those of the average pagan of the era, they were likely Mithrans since that was a soldier's religion.

To be fair, historical fiction always presents translation problems so it may be that the word "hell" was meant to be an understandable reference to the Roman's own conception of the eternal wrong side of the tracks reserved for transgressors. After all, "At my signal, release Tartarus," just doesn't have much of a ring to modern ears.

Tartarus, where the judges of the dead sent wrongdoers after the latter had been ferried across the Styx to the underworld, wasn't much like Hell. In fact, most souls sent there wandered as pale shades in meadows of asphodel. It is hard to imagine why Maximus would urge his army to unleash fields of asphodel on the Germans, or what military objective such a tactic might achieve, except perhaps to sow confusion, presuming the Germans were as uncertain as I am about what an asphodel actually is.

I have read that some Roman dead were punished by the Furies, so maybe that was what Maximus had in mind, but if so, why didn't he just order the unleashing of the Furies?

Even if one argues that the reference to hell is anachronistic does it matter? It's a good line. It certainly conjures up the proper images, and probably does so better for a modern movie-goer than some more realistically Roman reference could. I suppose it is a question of the writer's taste in translation.

When Mary and I write our Byzantine mysteries I always feel as if I'm translating our characters' words from the ancient Greek or Latin. We tend to be conservative, literal, translators. So while the adolescent court page, Hektor, might show his contempt and disrespect for John by barging into the Lord Chamberlain's home and issuing impertinent orders, he won't soon be addressing him with "Hey, old Chamberlain dude," although that is probably what he'd be saying if he were living today.

The use of modern, idiomatic expressions might make it a little easier for the present day reader to relate to characters, or at least makes it easier for the writer to present those characters. But I believe that in any historical novel, one of the main characters, perhaps as important as the protagonist, is the setting, and anachronisms in the mouths of other characters makes the setting less believable. It is hard enough to convince readers to imagine they are walking down the Mese in ancient Constantinople without constantly reminding them that this is a book written in the twenty-first century.

We try hard to make sure no anachronisms slip into the John the Eunuch series, but it's hard to avoid and sometimes occasionally tempting. While writing Three For A Letter, we were sorely tempted to play a bit fast and loose with the language. The Byzantines, as Mary mentions above, were very fond of puns. Unfortunately Byzantine puns only make sense in Latin or ancient Greek. I'm not sure how, or if it is possible, to translate a pun. Nevertheless, Anatolius, considering himself a wit, would likely have been prone to puns and in one scene as originally written he got carried away and made one involving goats and Christianity.

On reflection and after a bit more research the chroniclers of the adventures of John and his friends decided that particular bit of word play only worked in English and would've made no sense in ancient Greek, so it was removed. Besides, it was dreadful, not to mention possibly upsetting to people of nervous disposition. Anyway, if you want to hear that pun I guess you'll have to wait for the out-takes on the DVD.


AND FINALLY

Since we're approaching 2,000 words and try to stay around that figure so as not to overload your e-mail, we'll now scurry about and close down this issue. As usual, we'll be back in two months so look out for the next Orphan Scrivener in mid-December, that time of jolly jamborees across both the ancient and modern worlds.

Best wishes to all.

Mary and Eric

whose home page lurks about at

http://home.epix.net/~maywrite/

Therein you'll find the usual suspects plus more personal essays, an interactive game and an on-line jigsaw puzzle (at least for those who have java-enabled browsers) featuring One For Sorrow's eye-catching scarlet cover. We also now have a work-in-progress, to wit, a page listing mystery- related newsletters (print and email). If you have such a newsletter and would like to be listed, let us know. And finally, for those new to the subscription list there's also the Orphan Scrivener archive, so don't say you weren't warned!


Wednesday, August 15, 2001

THE ORPHAN SCRIVENER ISSUE # TEN -- l5 AUGUST 200l

The dog days of August are worrying us like a mongrel with a juicy bone. Indeed, as this latest issue of Orphan Scrivener is being written, crispy yellowed leaves occasionally float by the window as distressed trees begin to shed their dusty summer foliage. This autumnal sight reminds us that in a fortnight or so it will be Labour Day, traditionally marking the end of summer, and soon autumn tints will begin to wash across the hills in glorious bands of colour -- assuming, of course, there are any leaves left on the trees at all by then.

But already the nights are drawing in and the sunshine is noticeably thinner. The quality of light has changed, becoming almost melancholy. Although autumn brings the fruitful harvest along with mists and cooler nights, still and all, it reminds us too that winter will soon be coming down the pike and another year is starting to draw to a close. Just like those seared leaves, time floats by, bringing with it the tenth issue of Orphan Scrivener -- but as to whether you'll find this newsletter fruitful or melancholy, the only way to find out is to read on!


ERIC'S BIT or A MYSTERY IN THE TITLE

Although Mary and I have written nothing but mysteries together, my own roots are planted in Middle Earth. Well, actually in fantasy in general. They descend deep into the rusty sands of Mars and seek out cracks in the eroded pavements of lost cities. While growing up I read Tolkien's Lord of the Rings, not to mention science fiction and fantasy classics, Tom Swift Jr. and the ghost stories of M.R. James. It was only later I turned to mysteries, so it is not surprising that the John the Eunuch novels I've co-written all contain distinct elements of the fantastic.

One For Sorrow involved the Holy Grail and an ancient soothsayer. Two For Joy featured spontaneously combusting stylites and a miracle-working holy man. Three For A Letter continues the tradition, surrounding John and his companions with such arcana as automatons, a magical whale and a herd of fortune-telling goats.

Not exactly the stuff of gritty police procedurals or legal thrillers, I agree. I doubt I'll ever write those. Perhaps this is an admission I shouldn't make but I've never had much interest in exactly what police do, and thanks to my time in law school, I know entirely too much about how the legal system works. What interests me more than the cold, grinding, machinery of our society are those ethereal possibilities that still float around the edges of matters about which we are all too certain.

Mysteries often deal with the seemingly fantastic, if only to debunk it and deliver the logical solution which, according to some, is the point of the genre. Yet consider The Hound of the Baskervilles with its glowing apparition. For me, the memory of the story has more to do with the aura of the supernatural that permeates it than with its solution.

My fantasy roots probably explain why locked room mysteries, like so many of Ed Hoch's short stories, have always been favorites and, I admit, not really for the clever explanations either. One of Mr. Hoch's Doctor Sam Hawthorne stories began with a missing wagon and wagon tracks in the snow leading onto a covered bridge but not out the other side. When I read it, I started wracking my brain for the explanation. But as interesting as it was to try and solve the puzzle, and as satisfying (or aggravating in a "why-didn't-I-think-of-that way) as the solution was, well, my strongest recollection is still that frisson I had thinking about the wagon's "impossible" disappearance.

Writing about locked room mysteries reminds me of a truly great one from the 1930s -- Obelists Fly High by C. Daly King. A murder occurs during a mid-thirties transcontinental flight and the book is worthwhile just for its description of that alone. But aside from the impossible crime there is another fantastic element to the novel -- the word "Obelist"! I have been unable to find this word in any dictionary or even on the Internet and yet there it sits, in a title no less.

So if anyone has the solution, I'd be happy to hear it and we will of course share it in our next newsletter.


NECESSARY EVIL or THE BSP TICKER

It's one of the shortest BSP Tickers on record this time around so we'll get right to it.

The lush green and gold cover of Two For Joy will reappear on book shelves in October when the paperback edition is issued, and speaking of covers, while the author of The British Grenadiers made the interesting claim that some folk talked of Alexander and others of Hercules, we'd like to talk about the cover of Three For A Letter. It's been unveiled since the last newsletter came out and the design department of Poisoned Pen Press has Done It Again, for it's another stunner. If you'd care to take a glance, feel free to point your clicker to

http://www.poisonedpenpress.com/html/threeforaletter.html

but, please, no jokes about characters looking sheepish!


MARY'S BIT or IT CERTAINLY DIDN'T STAND FOR GET WELL SOON

Eric's Bit mentions M. R. James, one of my favourite authors, and I was recently fortunate enough to discover a story of his that was new to me. A School Story relates a tale about G. W. Sampson, who teaches Latin at a boy's school. His watch chain has suspended from it a charm which is an ancient gold Byzantine coin that he'd picked up in Constantinople. Or so he says. For a Latin teacher, he doesn't seem too concerned about defacing this old coin by scratching it with his initials and a date. But then again there is definitely something mysterious, not quite right, about G. W. Sampson. But to return to our muttons, as the French say (it seems we cannot escape sheep this time around). As A School Story unfolded, I spied a small mystery in that the teacher's scratched initials of GWS most certainly were not being used in the usual short-hand fashion for a kind wish that Mr Sampson would quickly recover good health. However, bearing in mind that scholars tell us that the Byzantines loved puns, like Miss Anne Elk of Monty Python fame, I have a theory. Warning: egregious spoiler coming up in next line.

Sure you want to read on?

OK, then. My theory is that the initials are connected in a particularly Jamesian sort of way with the well featured in the story. But then what are we to make of the date also scratched on that old Byzantine coin? Was it of some significance to Mr James, who was only a toddler on 24 July l865? It's a knotty problem over which I'm still puzzling, but in the meantime, Lost Hearts, The Mezzotint, Canon Alberic's Scrapbook and Room l3 are among the stories to be found at

http://easyweb.easynet.co.uk/~fadey/mrjframes.html


AND FINALLY

It'll be somewhat cooler by the time that the next Orphan Scrivener trundles into your email in-box on October l5, a day or so after Fontinalia, the Roman festival honouring Fontus, god of springs and wells. In an outstanding example of the survival of old customs under different names, Fontinalia lives on in the well-dressing ceremonies still carried out in parts of England at various dates between May and September. For these, "dressing" involves very detailed pictures, often with a religious theme, that are made by villagers using natural materials such as petals, leaves and moss pressed into trays of clay. The trays are displayed next to the wells during the celebrations and more often than not that other good old British institution, the brass band, participates in the jamboree. And, in a link back to the old Roman festival, the highlight of the event is always the blessing of the well by the local vicar.

On which watery note, we'll close by wishing you all well, and see you again in October.

Mary and Eric

whose home page lurks about at

http://home.epix.net/~maywrite/

Therein you'll find the usual suspects plus more personal essays, an interactive game and an on-line jigsaw puzzle (at least for those who have java-enabled browsers) featuring One For Sorrow's eye-catching scarlet cover. We also now have a work-in-progress, to wit, a page listing mystery-related newsletters (print and email). For those new to the subscription list, there's also the Orphan Scrivener archive, so don't say you weren't warned!


Friday, June 15, 2001

THE ORPHAN SCRIVENER -- ISSUE # NINE -- l5 JUNE 200l

This issue of Orphan Scrivener arrives not so much trailing clouds of glory as dragging along a fog of dust, for summer is a-coming in, and if you had any doubts about it perhaps you might care to glance out of your window and observe the local youngsters celebrating their two months or so of freedom in assorted and sundry (or in some areas, sun-dried) ways.

School's out and so is this newsletter, so we'll leap right into the fray.


MARY'S BIT or THEY COULD HAVE PLAYED EUPHONIUMS

Occasionally I find myself wondering if those eternal motion machines that are the young ever pause long enough to contemplate the enjoyable sight of the lengthy vista of days -- nay, weeks -- stretching out before them when the summer holidays finally begin.

Why, the time rolling out ahead seemed endless to us when school was at last out, with those menacing back-to-school sales so far away at the other end of the summer as to be easily ignored -- and just as well since once they arrived we would have to get the number 4 bus into town to buy school supplies and new tennis shoes, which in turn meant that the new term was not far off and thus soon it would be time to drag ourselves off to the grey Victorian building in which we laboured, to again wrestle with French verbs, toil over geometry exercises and try to recall the names of all the Hanoverian rulers in the correct order -- all these tasks being carried in that strange chalk-and-old- books atmosphere that seemed to permeate every school in which I ever set foot.

Thinking on it now reminds me that my last school holiday was largely spent sprawled on my bed devouring cookers (cooking apples) so tart my teeth almost shrank from them as I chewed away while reading as many books as I could borrow from the library. It was a particularly hot summer that year and our fashionable frou-frou sponge-skirted petticoats ensured that those of us who considered ourselves trendy suffered mightily for the privilege. But the unaccustomed heat -- for when it's above 72 degrees in England, it's inevitably described in the media as A Scorcher -- made my shady room, the pile of green, shiny-skinned cookers and the even larger stack of books with covers of all colours even more attractive to one who was already a bookworm and fruit-lover. The noise of the neighbours' children playing all over the roadway -- despite living in houses with hanky-sized gardens that were nonetheless large enough to allow games of Traffic Lights or Statues or Tag without any risk of getting run over by the mobile fish and chip shop or a passing coal lorry -- was easily ignored, even though our windows were wide open to whatever breeze might meander in, bringing with it the scent of the two small lilac trees growing by the corner of the house.

Because even if those kids had spent their entire summer practicing playing euphoniums outside our front door, I should have taken no notice at all -- I had flown off on the magic carpet of books and would not be back until teatime. And so those long, golden afternoons unwound to the gentle rustle of pages turning and the piling up of apple gowks (cores) until it was time for tea. And when the washing up was done, the tea-towel hung up to dry and the plates and cups and cutlery put away again, there would still be time for a chapter or two or more to be read as shadows started to advance, shrouding the raspberry canes in the back garden and fingering the windows. Soon there would come that strange hush that creeps in between the time when workers arrive home for their evening meals and when they go out for the evening. Every night that quiet calm fell around the house like a kindly mantle and while it was true that, to the despair of my parents, I would probably be found in the kitchen at midnight frying up bacon and eggs, still I knew that tomorrow would proceed at the same slow pace, and the next day, and the day after that as well.

But it was recalling that this would be my last long summer holiday before I joined the work world that really added to its strange enchantment and, I think, to the sense that time was flying, bearing us all along willy-nilly faster and faster towards adulthood. It all seems dreamlike and far away now.


NECESSARY EVIL or THE BSP TICKER

Just a couple of short items this time around but hopefully they'll still of some interest.

CURSE YOU, LORD CHAMBERLAIN (PART II)

We've now received publication details for the sixth John story listed in the last Necessary Evil. As we mentioned last time, And All That He Calls Family is set to appear in Mike Ashley's THE MAMMOTH BOOK OF HISTORICAL WHODUNNITS: A NEW COLLECTION. The anthology will be published in August by Robinson in the UK and Carroll and Graf will issue the US edition as THE MAMMOTH BOOK OF MORE HISTORICAL WHODUNNITS in October.

As to our contribution, this time around John arrives at the estate of a recently deceased personage to investigate a curse tablet dredged up from the well-- and discovers that some rather odd goings-on are, well, going on. Admirers of the herbalist Hypatia may be interested to hear that she also appears in this short story, by the way.

TWOFER MARCHES ON IN MAY

Not long after the last Orphan Scrivener went out into the aether, we were delighted to hear that Twofer was a finalist for the 2001 Best Mystery/Thriller/Suspense IPPY (Independent Publisher Book Award). The Ippy for this category went to Tracon (Paul McElroy) and the other finalist was Bleeding Out (Baxter Clare). As historical mysteries do seem to tend to be rather overlooked, we are happy indeed that Twofer was named in such interesting company. A complete listing of winners and finalists in all IPPY categories can be found by pointing your clicker at

http://www.independentpublisher.com/index.lasso?- database=18news.fp3&-layout=iparticle&-response=art.lasso&- recID=37873&-search


ERIC'S BIT or RETURNING SOME OF THE MAGIC

Since the last newsletter Mary and I sent Three For A Letter to Poisoned Pen Press. We wished to make the third John the eunuch mystery a bit different from the first two and I suppose I'm still too close to the task to tell how well we succeeded.

One thing I am sure of is that the writing was arduous, more so for me, than the writing of One For Sorrow or Two For Joy. It seems every time I learn a bit about an aspect of writing I learn there's something else I should've been thinking about as well but never bothered with before. Transitions? Don't they just kind of...happen?

The increasing difficulty of the job surprises me because I always imagined writing would naturally get easier -- just another of many misconceptions I nurtured, along with my dream of being an author, practically since I could hold a crayon. That's plenty of time to grow a fine crop of misconceptions.

In particular I underestimated how much plain hard work is involved once you begin to write professionally. An aspiring author might take half a lifetime to produce a publishable novel but then, in most cases, he or she (or they) have to do it all over again -- in the space of a year. Then they repeat the process the next year, and the next...if they are fortunate enough to have the opportunity.

Writing is, I think, more like a job than matching the winning numbers on a lottery ticket. Sure, we read in the newspaper about Joe Shmoe who wrote that gripping page- turner "Flaming Pizza of Desire" while scrubbing pans at the Greasy Spoon Diner and then, practically before he had bundled his handwritten manuscript off to a Major New York Literary Agency, was drying his fingers on a contract for more then the gross national product of Paraguay. But we also read on the same page about John Shmoe of Cat's Elbow Corners who just won $25,000,000 on the Lotto.

First-time authors have been known to get mega-bucks deals and, hey, someone's got to win the lottery. But while few would argue that buying lottery tickets is a viable career path, one occasionally sees aspiring authors whose thought is that nothing will do but they will write an instant bestseller. Is a thriller about a lawyer embroiled with middle eastern terrorists while on an expedition to Mount Everest climbing the Bestseller Lists? Then it's time to bone up on crampons and falafel and get writing!

Fortunately, Mary and I never entertained the notion that writing is a lottery. We went about it like any other job, starting small -- or I should say short -- by writing stories for anthologies and magazines. After we had a better idea of what we were doing, we wrote a "practice" mystery novel, to prove we could write at that length, made an effort to sell it in line with our expectations of a sale (small), did not succeed and moved right on to writing One For Sorrow. When it was completed we queried here and there but quickly decided we'd have a better chance of being noticed by an independent publisher.

After Poisoned Pen Press bought the manuscript we reworked it as needed under the guidance of our editor Barbara Peters and in the process learned a lot that an editor at a Big Publisher could never have taken time to try to teach a pair of novice novelists. Then we applied the lessons to Two For Joy, which sold well, had even better reviews than One For Sorrow and has actually won an award!

And now we've just finished Three For A Letter.

Will we ever have a bestseller? With a Byzantine eunuch as a protagonist, only if the general population has the discerning taste of those of you reading this newsletter.

Will we continue to work at our craft and gain a larger audience? We certainly hope so.

Writing isn't really about hitting the jackpot. Rather it is about knowing that readers are enjoying your work. Mary occasionally visits library web pages so we know our books are on library shelves all over the country -- in Schenectady, NY; Stillwater, OK; LaGrange, IL; Osh Kosh, WI. There's a library in Alaska that has Two For Joy and it's currently checked out!

It amazes me, the idea of our book, sitting on the shelf of some distant library in a place I've never seen. When I was a kid, it was visiting the library that hooked me on books, on the magic of the bound pages that would transport me to other worlds and allow me to lead other lives.

It is still magical but now we give back, just a little, to the magic.


AND FINALLY

As this newsletter grows longer and time gets shorter, may we then conclude by mentioning in passing that this link

http://www.poisonedpenpress.com/html/threeforaletter.html

will take you to Poisoned Pen's Threefer page, and yes, John' s adventure really does feature a herd of fortune-telling goats as well as a whale. Well, we said it would be somewhat different from the first two books!

Speaking of two, we'll see you again in a couple of months as the next Orphan Scrivener will trundle in from the aether. and hang about in your email in-box on August l5th.

Best wishes
Mary and Eric

whose home page lurks about at

http://home.epix.net/~maywrite/

Therein you'll find the usual suspects plus more personal essays, an interactive game and an on-line jigsaw puzzle (at least for those who have java-enabled browsers) featuring One For Sorrow's striking cover. We've also just added a page listing mystery-related newsletters of various kinds, while for those new to the subscription list there's the Orphan Scrivener archive, so don't say you weren't warned!


Sunday, April 15, 2001

THE ORPHAN SCRIVENER ISSUE # EIGHT -l5 APRIL 200l

A couple of weeks ago we heard an unearthly yelping, heralding the passage of a flock of geese hidden in the fog. It was one of those very misty mornings with dew still hanging in beads on the grass and the sun rather lazy about getting to work. We thought at the time that the invisible birds -- those annual harbingers of the arrival of spring -- were passing north on their migration from their winter quarters but given the cold and windy days we've had ever since we now tend to suspect that it's more likely they were the small flock that lives on the river having a little avian April Fool's Day joke at the expense of local residents.

Yet time flies by even faster than geese and on its wings our newsletter comes a-flapping once again. Still, if nothing else, we scriveners don't make much mess and won't eat crusts put out for deserving sparrows.


ERIC'S BIT or IT'S NOT YOUR RUDYARD KIPLING'S IF

Two For Joy was published less than six months ago and although it's been great reading all the kind notices it's gathered, Mary and I have already turned our attention to telling a rather different sort of story in Three For A Letter.

Making up stories is something I got hooked on even before I could read -- as soon as I could wield a crayon, in fact -- and there's never been a time in my life when I haven't been in the midst of imagining some tale, often when I probably should've been doing something more sensible. In grade school I progressed from picture books to cartoons and illustrated magazines. Later on my friends and I experimented with Super-8 movies and claymation. It's amazing the effects you can get as plasticene figures gradually melt and mutate under hot floodlights. Even after I'd ostensibly grown-up I just couldn't resist making up stories, from inept science fiction to photocopied mini-comics. And I have to admit even co-authoring novels isn't enough.

Lately, in addition to writing about John the Eunuch, I've dabbled at computer games. Not modern games with beautiful graphics -- I'm not a programmer. My efforts are nothing but text, the sort of thing that was briefly popular in the eighties before home computers developed sufficient memories to handle pictures. Some might recall, for example, Adventure where you explored a cave and battled trolls by typing commands like:

>North,
>Attack troll with sword
>Take gold

Today the stories tend to be more sophisticated and aficionados refer to modern text games as Interactive Fiction or IF. The main virtue claimed for IF by its supporters is that the reader/player doesn't just read passively but interacts with the story by deciding where to go, what to look at, what to do and so on. Thinking about this, I realized one thing that makes mysteries so interesting and sets them apart from other literature is the high level of interaction the reader can engage in. All writing is interactive compared to, say movies, in that readers supply their own audio and visuals, choose their own pace, and can take as much or little time as they desire to reflect on what's happening. But mysteries go a step further by including a puzzle to be solved. In this aspect a mystery novel is a game.

In our mystery stories Mary and I have always been careful to include a puzzle. There's certainly nothing wrong with stories where you can't play along with the sleuth but they aren't, strictly speaking, what I would call mysteries. Mary is much better than I am at concocting these puzzles and she's the one who keeps a running list of clues and where they appear and makes sure each is finally explained and accounted for. I'm afraid we're coming to the clue-checking stage now with Three For A Letter and a few days ago I remarked to Mary that her clue list looked about as long as the novel itself! But then games aren't much fun unless they're fair.

If you're like me and enjoy the interactive aspect of mysteries, you might also like Interactive Fiction.About.com mystery guide Cathy Gallagher has a page devoted to mystery IF at http://mysterybooks.about.com/arts/mysterybooks/cs/interacti ve/index_2.htm and you can find out more about IF in general from Stephen Granade's About.com site http://interactfiction.miningco.com/games/interactfiction/ Mark Silcox' IF pages at Suite 101 http://www.suite101.com/welcome.cfm/interactive_fiction or Reviews From Trotting Krips http://members.dencity.com/petro/reviews.html Not to mention at our own site http://home.epix.net/~maywrite/game.htm Once you've learnt your way around, I suggest you try out Irene Callaci's Dangerous Curves, in which you pretend you're a Sam Spade type character tracking down a killer in seedy and corrupt LA, at http://www.wurb.com/if/game/507 or another LA based private eye yarn, Kent Tessman's Guilty Bastard at http://www.generalcoffee.com/


NECESSARY EVIL OR THE BSP TICKER

The BSP Ticker has of late been chattering nigh as much as the proverbial trunk full of monkeys. Here's a quick rundown.

PLEASE ACCEPT ENCLOSED APOLOGY

Due to the horrible machinations of Internet gremlins, we could not get through to our Talk City chat in March. Ever optimistic, we'll be arranging another attempt in a month or two but meanwhile extend our apologies for our unavoidable absence.

A RIFF ON THE GLYPH

Speaking of absences, the Arizona Book Publishers Association held its awards dinner the night before the Oscars. We were not in attendance and so it wasn't until early on Oscar Day that we heard we'd been highly honoured ourselves since Two For Joy had run off with the ABPA's Glyph Award for Best Mystery. We are, of course, thrilled to bits -- the more so as Twofer also received an honourable mention in the Best Book overall category.

There's more! Poisoned Pen Press also took home Glyph Awards for Best Historical/Biographical work (Ross Macdonald: A Biography by Tom Nolan) and a Best Mystery honorable mention for Nora Kelly's Old Wounds -- not to mention a special award for Rob Rosenwald and Poisoned Pen Press for Publishing Excellence.

Congratulations to the press and our stablemates there-at!

THEY WON'T TWIST YOUR ARM TO READ IT

But on the other hand One For Sorrow has been chosen as May voluntary read for the Crime Thru Time online discussion list. Its membership (made up of both writers and readers) is lively, well-mannered and enjoys talking about history, culture and favourite historical mysteries. For details about the group, point your clicker to their web page at http://pages.about.com/crimethrutime/info.html or visit their community page at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CrimeThruTime

GOODNESS HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT, JUSTINIAN

Speaking of Onefer, we recently heard that it's part of an exhibit at the library of the University of Pennsylvania's Museum of Archaeology and Anthropology. Goodness Had Nothing To Do With It: Wicked Women Through the Ages or The Bad and the Beautiful features books about such notables as Livia, Cleopatra and Olympias. Theodora is in the category of women to whom history has given a bad -- and not necessarily deserved -- reputation, to which view (alas) our fiction has added, but you must admit that Onefer's bold scarlet cover certainly suits the theme of wicked women through the ages.

CURSE YOU, LORD CHAMBERLAIN

April l5th being Pay Your Taxes Day in America (and thus the date on which more bad language is heard throughout the land than any other) strangely leads us to "And All That He Calls Family". It's the sixth John the Eunuch short story with nothing to do with deductions for dependents but rather takes place on an estate where curse tablets are at work and seemingly extremely effective at doing their nasty job. Family will appear in a new Mike Ashley anthology to be issued in late summer. Like its illustrious predecessor, this Mammoth Book of Historical Whodunnits (Volume Two) will be published by Robinson in the UK and Carroll and Graf in the US. Fans of historical mysteries will be happy to hear that (alphabetically!) Margaret Frazer, Susanna Gregory, Ed Hoch, Michael Kurland, Steven Saylor, Peter Tremayne and Marilyn Todd plus many others have contributed to this collection.


MARY'S BIT or LET ME TAX YOUR PATIENCE A LITTLE LONGER

Speaking of today being Pay Your Taxes Day, since misery loves company it occurred to me to take a break from struggling with those byzantine tax forms for a quick glance at Roman arrangements on this method of raising funds. This foray turned up some fascinating trivia -- for example, at the time of Augustus sales tax was l per cent on everything except slaves, whose new owners paid 4 per cent tax on their purchase price.

Another form of taxation that fortunately the current government does not seem to have considered yet was collective taxation. Under this system, a set amount was levied upon a community as a whole, its residents deciding who paid what portion of the total sum due. Needless to say, it was not at all popular for a number of reasons and became even more reviled once assessments came to be (as now) widely considered to be excessive.

Augustus eventually replaced this communal tax with a poll tax plus direct taxation based upon individual wealth. This in turn meant censuses were held at more regular intervals -- a practice that continues to this day -- in order to find out who owned what and how many folks there were around to tax. Doubtless this led to much dark muttering around rural dinner tables about jumping out of the cooking pot into the brazier, but it was too late by then. Isn't that always the way?

In Byzantine times, that venomous-tongued gossip Procopius recorded in his Secret History that in addition to huge amounts of public taxes, Justinian also received an immense annual sum known as "sky tax". According to Procopius, the sky tax was so-named not because (as we might suppose) the sky was the limit -- although by all he says, to all intents and purposes it was -- but because the money was said to have come unexpectedly to the emperor by falling from the sky, or in other words was publicly at least described as what we'd call a windfall. Of course, its regular appearance might give most of us pause but then again doubtless the wiser residents of Constantinople soon became adept at expressing convincing surprise that, good heavens, the emperor had been extremely fortunate yet again!


AND FINALLY

Speaking of convincing surprises, we've just finishing up the draft of Three For A Letter and as is traditional the last couple of chapters are devoted to neatly tying up all the clues, red herrings and loose ends. While it's true that at the moment the closing few thousand words rather resemble a skein of wool after a catnip-crazed feline has finished fighting with it, by the time the next Orphan Scrivener slinks into your email box on June l5th the manuscript will have been burnished up and trundled off to the excellent hands of Poisoned Pen Press. We'll talk a little more about Threefer in the next Orphan Scrivener, but for now we'll admit that it's very different from Twofer and that a couple of hitherto lesser-seen characters come into the spotlight after John is called upon to solve a murder discovered during a banquet given by Anatolius' elderly and eccentric uncle Zeno -- a banquet at which, unfortunately for Zeno, the guest of honour is Empress Theodora.

See you in a couple of months!

Best wishes
Mary and Eric

Thursday, February 15, 2001

THE ORPHAN SCRIVENER ISSUE # SEVEN -l5 FEBRUARY 200l

This issue of Orphan Scrivener reaches you a day or two into Parentalia, which the ancient Romans observed between the l3th and 2lst of February in honour of the Manes, or souls of the departed. Temples were closed during this period but families made simple offerings such as bread, wine or flowers at ancestral tombs, especially those of parents.

This quiet, reflective festival fits well into a time when the greyest month of the year is not yet over. However, fairly soon we'll be hearing the first returning geese honking as they pass overhead in those long v-shaped skeins that spearhead the changing season. And while there is no other mention of geese in this issue of Orphan Scrivener, we do refer to sheep, a whale, a lizard-like thing and a large black bird, so without further ado, we'll better get going before the menagerie gets any bigger.


MARY'S BIT or COMMODUS VON TRAPP

Remember the days when you didn't go out to the mall to see a film at a multiplex -- and hear half of what was going on in the next screening while you were at it? Those days when -- if you lived in England, at least -- you'd sit on the edge of a shabby plush (but somehow prickly) fold-up seat in the local fleapit, craning your neck this way and that to see around the heads of the people sitting in front? When the interval between Pearl & Dean's string of crackly ads for local businesses and the main feature heralded the arrival of the lady with the discreetly lit tray of ice-cream and the subsequent dash along your row, falling over patrons' feet and knocking coats off the backs of seats in a mad rush to get the last orange-flavoured ice lolly? When you kept scrapbooks made from brown paper and filled them with three-colour studio portraits of the stars, snipped from weekly film fan magazines and glued in with flour and water paste?

The recent announcement that Gladiator has been nominated for twelve Oscars reminded me of those days, or actually nights, when we went to the pictures every Friday and/or Saturday, depending on how much pocket money we had left after buying licorice whips, gobstoppers and packets of Spangles. It was at one of those local cinemas, small but with suitably baroque architecture, that I first saw the retelling of The Fall of the Roman Empire. Alec Guinness played a grave Marcus Aurelius and Christopher Plummer a rather sinister but well-spoken Commodus and whereas Rome was proverbially not built in a day, the Empire managed to crumble around statuesque Sophia Loren in the space of a mere three hours. Not that we noticed its extraordinary length, for we sat enthralled, overlooking even the usual jumps and changes in depth of colour as the reels changed, not to mention that irritating occasional patch of light that spilled over the screen as patrons entered or exited through the main doors at the rear, behind the not-quite-tall-enough curtain hanging on a brass rail running along behind the back row of seating.

Every evening's presentation ended with the playing of the national anthem, during which the audience stood -- or at least those who had not rushed out as the credits began to roll so they could catch their last bus home or start the brisk walk back through cold, smoky night air or perhaps just to avoid having to stand there feeling like a lemon as most of the audience slunk off through the exit before the anthem was even half done.

We all went to the pictures at least once a week, no matter what the film happened to be. The fact that they arrived locally years after they premiered was neither here nor there. If they showed it, we would come. At least, if we could get in. Occasionally there was a problem when the film had been rated A by the Board of Censors, whose certificate prefaced all films. The sight of a hand-written title set within their florid printed declaration that the film in question had been judged suitable for a particular audience, as sometimes shows up when old films are presented on late night TV, must bring nostalgic tears to eyes that originally saw the same certificate in a cinematic setting.

There were three rating categories: U (Universal, considered suitable for all audiences), A (Adult, judged too mature for children) and X (reserved for horror films). However, younger persons were admitted to view an A film if they were accompanied by an adult and so we guttersnipes would hang about in the foyer asking "Will you take us in, missus?" should we arrive to find that the poster for the feature of the week displayed the dreaded, if not scarlet, A. Thus many a courting couple began a romantic evening by agreeing to escort three or four children -- unknown to them or for that matter to each other -- into the cinema. Needless to say, the ticket-seller in her glass-fronted mini-fortress turned the proverbial blind eye when the "offspring" peeled off into the lower floor and their temporary parents went upstairs to the balcony, a favourite haunt of amorous duos. Well, after all, it was a bit more private and certainly less expensive than that other popular destination for the working class weekend date, the Palais de Dance, recalled so nostalgically in the Kinks' Come Dancing.

However, the Saturday morning matinees for children were a different business entirely. With most of the audience stamping their feet, whistling, cheering and booing and (I regret to say) occasionally running up and down the aisles, these screenings were much more raucous and lively affairs. They were attended by very few adults -- and that was just as well considering that most of the boys perched in the balcony so they could lob small missiles of various sorts over its edge (scrunched up bits of paper were particularly popular) in the hopes of hitting one of the girls sitting far below. Not that they entirely got away with it, as there was a fair amount of hair-pulling when the matinee was over and it was a wise boy who got away quickly as soon as the house lights came up after our weekly ration of a newsreel, a cartoon or two and the next episode in the serial. It was fortunate indeed that a snack I hear was on sale in later years at the Bensham, another cinema we patronised, was not available in those days. One shudders to think what those wretched lads would have got up to with helpings of soup.

Our much-loved picture houses were not exactly from the Grand Electric Kinematic Palace mould. If you've seen The Smallest Show On Earth, you'll have a good idea of the sort of cinema we went to, although I will admit that I never encountered a ticket-seller quite as eccentric as Margaret Rutherford's character. Even so, imagine my surprised delight when I recently stumbled over a photograph of the Coatsworth, a particular favourite when we lived in Gateshead, displayed in the council's local history page.

Looking at that familiar soot-stained facade again after so long, I could almost hear the shouts of "See you at the flicks!" as we rushed down the back lane after school, anxious to gulp down our tea and get going. We could hardly wait. It was Friday and that meant a new film was showing! Even the Academy Awards just don't seem to generate the same sort of excitement and perhaps we're all the poorer for it.


NECESSARY EVIL or THE BSP TICKER

We don't have much news to impart this time around, so we'll leap straight into it.

ONE FOR JOY or THE RAVEN HAS (ALMOST) LANDED

Speaking of awards, as Kaspar Gutman possibly remarked of the Maltese Falcon, "It would be an honor, sir, a fine honor indeed, to own a large black bird such as that." And so it would be, if he happened to be talking about the Raven Award. Thus it is with great delight that, just in case you missed it, we mention here that the Mystery Writers of America recently announced that it will be presenting a Raven Award to our editor Barbara Peters. The Raven is described on the MWA website as recognising "outstanding achievement in the mystery field outside the realm of creative writing". So congratulations to Barbara and all at Poisoned Pen Press!

RETURN OF THE SCRIVENERS or A TALK, NOT A TABBY

And speaking of matters mysterious, how about a chat? No, not a cat but rather a chin-wag. Poe's Raven may have croaked "Nevermore", but Talk City is not so fortunate since we are returning to darken its virtual doorstep on March 7th when Stephanie Shea hosts a chat for, and with, us and whoever else decides to drop in.

If you'd like to visit, you'll get there by going to http://home.talkcity.com/LibraryDr/mysteryplace and then clicking on "author chatroom", which will take you to the EZtalk page. Type in your name and password and hit "go chat". (If you haven't registered, just click on the registration link and follow the onscreen instructions. When that's done, click "continue" and that'll take you to the chat room. It sounds more complicated than it actually is in practice, honestly!

Authors appearing on the Talk City for the rest of February are Bev Connors ("Airtight Case") on the 2lst and Karen Irving ("Jupiter's Daughter") on the 28th. After our chat on March 7th, S. J. Rozan ("Reflecting the Sky") is the guest on March l4th, so tune up your clickers and grab your chance to mercilessly grill a few authors -- hope we'll see you there!

JUST WHILE YOU'RE HERE or A SMALL COMMERCIAL BREAK

We'd like to mention that, after a slight delay, the hardcover of Two For Joy is now on sale, decked out in a beautifully lush green and gold cover. Twofer received a rave review in Booklist whose ratings, we understand, are much relied upon by libraries, so perhaps you could ask your local librarian to look us up some time. Meantime, to catch up on John's earlier adventures, there's also One For Sorrow in hardcover or trade paperback edition. Three For A Letter Is Proceeding Along. More on that in due course.


ERIC'S BIT or THOUGHTS ON A SHOCKING MOVIE

Growing up in the United States when neighborhood theaters were already being squeezed out of existence by television, I wasn't the movie-goer Mary was. My friends and I spent hours watching old Tarzan and Three Stooges movies on TV while debating who were the "real" Tarzans and Curly's and who the fakes.

My earliest celluloid recollection is of the drive-in next door to the house where we spent the summer. Just before bed time I'd be allowed to walk to the wire mesh fence at the end of our big lawn to see the cartoon shown before the movie. There was something startling about watching gigantic, garishly colored shapes flashing around the enormous screen in the soft summer twilight. From where I stood no dialog could be heard except, if the breeze was right, an occasional tinny murmur from a car speaker set up high. Aside from that, the cinematic action was accompanied only by the usual summer noises of insects and frogs.

In fact, although local movie theatres were by then dying out around the country, one still remained open a couple of minutes' walk from my house. It was owned by, and named for, my best friend's grandfather. I don't remember much except admission was l4 cents so I'd still have allowance money left for penny candy. My friends and I went to see westerns and our favorite was Gunfight at the O.K. Corral, which we re-fought hundreds of times in our back yards.

But there were some disappointments. The eagerly awaited Three Stooges In Orbit starred what appeared to us to be suddenly elderly geezers, not to mention an obviously fake Curly. Moby Dick was even more disappointing. To be blunt, the whale wasn't scary. What is a monster movie without a decent monster? The makers of Reptilicus must have learned something from it, though, because their production featured a reasonably destructive giant lizard and that severed foot floating to the bottom of the sea at the conclusion, at which point you immediately knew that...whoa...he's gonna regenerate! Now that's a really dramatic ending, compared to some silly looking peg-legged puppet flapping its arm about as it vanishes underwater on the back of a artificial whale.

We lived in constant hope that one day a movie would scare us to death but (as you see) it never happened. The special effects just weren't up to it. We'd start talking about this or that science fiction feature days in advance, conjuring up the most delicious terrors imaginable. By the time we went to the theater we'd worked ourselves into a fever pitch but the monster always, finally -- and usually after the film makers had titillated us for 80 minutes -- turned out to be manufactured from painted cardboard or a tarted up bag of jello, a bigger swiz than the snake woman at the County Fair.

We were particularly gung-ho to see William Castle's The Tingler, where your seat was supposed to administer the occasional shock and scary stuff came flying out on wires, or maybe they used 3-D projections or something like that or so we figured, and people actually had died of fright, but that never came to our little local cinema. I guess my friend didn't have that much pull with his grandfather.

But I'll bet The Tingler would've been really shocking.


AND FINALLY

Alas, the dark clouds of April l5th are already lurking stormily on the horizon and for US residents at least this annual day of fiscal reckoning looms ever closer. However, some light relief for those being fleeced by the tax man may be obtained by contemplating Parilia. Held on April 2lst, it was a bucolic festival for which sheep folds were decorated and their occupants purified. Offerings were made and prayers said for the health and safety of shepherds and their ovine charges. It seems that part of the Parilian jamboree involved the shepherds leaping through small fires and apparently their flocks were also herded between two bonfires as a further rite of protection.

Fortunately our subscribers don't have to go through fire in order to receive their next issue of Orphan Scrivener, since it'll automatically arrive on April l5th. If nothing else, we can guarantee that reading it will be less taxing than ploughing through the instruction booklet for IRS Form l040.

Best wishes

Mary and Eric

whose home page lurks about at:
http://home.epix.net/~maywrite/

Therein you'll find the usual suspects plus more personal essays, an interactive game and an on-line jigsaw puzzle (at least for those who have java-enabled browsers) featuring One For Sorrow's boldly scarlet cover. For those new to the subscription list there's also the Orphan Scrivener archive, so don't say you weren't warned!

THE ORPHAN SCRIVENER - ISSUE # ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY SIX - 15 APRIL 2024

We understand Virginia Woolf described letter-writing as the child of the penny post. How then to describe the parentage of emails? Whatever...